Eyal Cohen

Author

Dude, Little Bitch

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Hello

Hey. My eyes are over here. Focus. That, pictured, is Eyal in middle school. He’s made an appearance since he would like to take you back to those grand, lazy middle school days of Spark Notes.

Instead of reading (current day) Eyal’s whole collection of essays, below you’ll find a single line and brief synopsis for some of the essays. Some would call this a tease, some would say “Ugh thank god I can just look at this and tell him I read the whole thing and LOVED it.” Enjoy.

P.S. Don’t worry, I’ve eaten food since that picture was taken.

If you’d like to read more, leave a comment below

“The challenge, and what makes the artist, is the finishing, but the road is where we find our art. And art doesn’t have to be a painting, an essay, or even a jump shot. Sometimes, art can be as simple as choosing to remember, attempting to reconcile with that which would be so much easier to forget.” 

Gone, But What’s Forgotten? // A dual narrative intertwining the legacy of Kobe Bryant with the life of the narrator who grew up idolizing him. Specifically, how the narrator confronts with Bryant’s transition from ego-maniac to champion; alleged sexual assaulter to women’s icon.

“The school was in DeLand, which you used to describe as a small, redneck Florida town, but subsequently learned that’s a derogatory term, so now you just say small, redneck town.”

Anadiplosis // Why birthdays suck because they tell you who’s still a part of your life, and, more importantly, who isn’t.

“I’m lying in bed, honestly. Eyes closed, mind racing, tears racing. Heart raging, aging, gauging; asking why, or what, seeking solace in not carrying any blame, but finding more weight on my shoulders, fearing they’ll crack. Sensing guilt, head atilt, till my eyelids prove no match for my tearing, tearing layers of blankets from the inside, finally letting in some air.”

You Can’t Cry With Your Eyes Closed // How childhood experiences, family, friendship, alcohol, and perceived social expectations play a role in enabling or disabling men’s confrontation with emotion, vulnerability, and tears.

“Perhaps believing that answers to loaded, complex, and hefty questions such as these smothers me in naivety. Perhaps I have—or want—to at least try to answer them. Try to find the terms and conditions men have been writing, show how they nurture boys who think they’ve done nothing wrong, and, ideally, come up with a Taster’s Choice monologue someone will consider a turning point.”

The Cult Of The Difficult Man // A textual analysis of reviewed literature about men as perpetrators of rape and sexual assault. A practicalization of theoretical frameworks, recognition of misconduct, and realization of the role we have to play.

“The berries in bed scenario isn’t the only way food and sex are intertwined. The pair is also linked when sex doesn’t stand for ‘that thing you do with Netflix in the background,’ but sex as it relates to gender; be it the one assigned at birth or the one identified as now. Food, by the way, always stands for ‘that thing you do with Netflix in the background.’”

And For You, Sir? // The conditioning men inflict on one another with their language, through an analysis of what men are / aren’t allowed to eat.

Just making sure you’re still reading
“I’m not here to tell you that it’s fun to cum in your pants. To any unexperienced 19-year-old dude reading this, if, when you finally get your shot with a member of your desired sex, you proceed to, how shall I phrase this, use your underwear as a canvas for a semen-based Jackson Pollock imitation, know that it’s not that big a deal. As you miserably try to prolong the imminent, thinking about child hunger or Thanksgiving dinner or the electoral college, I hope you think of me, too. Maybe not me. That sounds weird.”

The Punch Line // A discussion about growing up with self- and socially-induced pressure to indulge in sexual activity, talk and brag about it, and adequately perform within the intimate confines of the bedroom. Fabricated stories, presumed expectations, and a litany of jokes about the relationship between masturbation and being able to last longer in bed.

“Thanks to my lofty seat, not only do I get to eavesdrop on conversations—people’s words reverberate off the walls and permeate up to me—but, more importantly, I get to just sit there, and look down on people. And that’s a powerful—and dangerous—place to be in.” 

I Came

My dinner tonight was to be a fillet of salmon alongside rice and the aforementioned shoots of asparagus (the plural for the plant, by the way, does not have an agreed upon definition, and I’d argue should be, in true waterfowl fashion, as-par-a-geese).”

I Saw

“Hopefully, I’ll be able to see all these facets of me and acknowledge how different they are from one another. How some are good and some are bad, some I like and some I detest, some render me a dude and some a little bitch.”

I Wonder

“In the brilliant ‘The Man They Wanted Me To Be,’ Jared Yates Sexton traces back how toxic masculinity came to manifest itself in American culture. He dissects how race, sex, war, and politics have led men into the catch-22 that is how men perceive anyone who challenges us to be our enemy, and how that narrow-mindedness and denial of self-introspection is what’s de facto causing us the most harm.”

At Sixths and Sevenths // How we assess ourselves compared to those we walk through life with—our best friends—and in comparison to who we once were.

“The Sunday morning of that alumni weekend, we passed around Gatorade bottles from one stained couch to another, the living room riddled with empty beer cans from the night before. The friend whose house we were staying at had a roommate, homosexual, who we’d met just that weekend. I know I fuck guys, he said, but y’all are the gayest bunch I’ve ever met in my life. We hollered and laughed, happy to have someone recognize how much we love each other.”

No Homo // The narrative around sexual orientation in men’s sports locker rooms. Its downfalls and dangers, along with how the discourse can be changed.

“Listen, everyone has their own ‘house rules’ when it comes to beer pong. I get it. But, fellas, dudettes, we have to draw a line somewhere. Guys finger and girls blow? Rather too heteronormative for my liking, but fine. Chicks throw weak-handed on rollbacks? A tad sexist and positively discriminatory of the ambidextrous, but acceptable. Bouncing is for pussies? Reminiscent of childhood days when inflatable castles were no longer deemed ‘cool,’ but, again, tolerable.”

A Tale of Two Titties // How men define winning, losing, success, and failure; how competitiveness and camaraderie provide men with leeway to exert verbal, physical, and sexual violence; and how the space of the locker room can be reconfigured to harness accountability and growth.

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